Last week I took a trip to Charleston for my college orientation. Needless to say the thought of beginning my life in a new place, surrounded by unfamiliar faces makes me uneasy. It is not that I am unexcited as to all I can learn, and all the adventures that will appear before me in the next few years- I am just scared senseless.
I have always lived in the same small town. This is both a blessing and a curse. Watching my town change throughout the years has been eye opening, and the relationships I have formed with people (relationships that have started at the impressionable age of 5), will be relationships I will remember for the rest of my life. Also the proximity to the other members of my family has had such a positive effect on my life.
This being said, I have always dreamed of life outside of my town. I am aware of how limited my world view is, or at least I think I am…but my goal to reach outside of suburban life has had a large impact on my identity.
One cannot change their life so dramatically without experiencing the sort of gut wrenching, and adrenaline infused combination of anxiety and excitement. It is true that men are beings of habit. Change is hard.
Confusing though my feelings are, all those before me that have embarked on an adventure know what I am going through, and in a way I am experiencing this new stage of my life with them. As I go through my process of change, I have earned a deep respect for anyone that has ever willingly changed their lives, in search of an idea.
Charleston is a gorgeous city, and there is no other place I would rather spend my youthful years. I hope to gain a sense of artistic identity while I am in Charleston, and most importantly to begin my search for those big questions I have been asking my whole life.
The possibility of failure these next few years is oh so real.
Can you blame me for being scared?